The fifth Stage of Love: How the Energy of Two Can Change the World


I’ll admit it. I’m in love. I might even go as far as to say I’m extra in love now than after we first fell in love 44 years in the past. My spouse, Carlin, and I’ve been collectively since 1980. It was the third marriage for every of us. Sure, generally, the third time is the attraction. However attending to stage 5 has been a journey which we’re nonetheless on. I wrote about it in an article, “The 5 Levels of Love and Why Too Many Cease at Stage 3.”

            All of us need actual, lasting love, whether or not we’re in our 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, or past. But too many marriages crumble and most of the people don’t know why. They mistakenly consider that they’ve chosen the mistaken accomplice. After going via the grieving course of, they begin trying once more. However after greater than forty years as a wedding and household counselor I’ve discovered that most individuals are searching for love in all of the mistaken locations. They don’t perceive that Stage 3 shouldn’t be the top, however the true starting for reaching actual, lasting love:

            Stage 1: Falling In Love

            Stage 2: Turning into a Couple

            Stage 3: Disillusionment

            Stage 4: Creating Actual, Lasting Love

            Stage 5: Utilizing the Energy of Two to Change the World

            When folks take into consideration what wants to vary on the earth, we frequently hear clichés like “the world wants extra love.” However what does it imply to truly change the world for the higher and the way can love take care of world local weather change, the destruction of our ecosystem, and our political gridlock that retains us caught in countless conflicts?

            Though we are able to undergo the 5 levels of affection at any age, we often are usually not in a position to absolutely have interaction stage 5 till attain mid-life. After we get to mid-life and past, all of us have a need to make a distinction on the earth. We often consider this as our “calling” in life. At a time after we should face the truth that we should change our lives to stay sustainably on the planet, many people really feel known as upon to handle these points. My calling has been to assist women and men discover actual, lasting love in order that collectively we are able to save humanity. My calling goes past my very own private pleasure in creating my relationship with Carlin. I wish to make a distinction on the earth. That is true of Carlin as properly.       

             The Energy to Two permits us to do collectively what we may by no means do alone. My calling places me extra within the public area world-wide, however I couldn’t do it with out Carlin’s backing and assist. Her calling is to make a distinction in with our household, mates, and group. I’m there for her and my assist permits her to make her personal distinction on the earth.

            Joshua Wolf Shenk begins his e-book, Powers of Two: How Relationships Drive Creativity with this quote by playwright Tony Kushner,

The smallest indivisible human unit is 2 folks, not one; one is a fiction.”

Shenk begins the e-book with our generally held perception concerning the energy of 1.

“For hundreds of years, the parable of the lone genius has towered over us like a colossus.”

He goes on to look extra deeply on the energy of two. He goes on to say,

“the dyad is essentially the most fluid and versatile of relationships. Two folks can principally make their very own society as on the go. When even yet one more particular person is added to the combo, the scenario turns into extra steady, however this stability might stifle creativity, as roles and energy positions harden. Three legs make a desk stand in place. Two legs are made for strolling or working for leaping or falling.”

            You may ask yourselves what do you see as your calling in life? What do you’re feeling known as upon to do, that will make the world slightly higher place? I consider that two people who find themselves experiencing actual, lasting love can commit themselves to sharing that love with the world.  Suppose what the world can be like if increasingly more of us have been engaged in expressing actual, lasting love.

            One necessary lesson the Coronavirus pandemic has taught me is that we’re all linked. What impacts every of us can affect all of us. It additionally jogs my memory that people are out of steadiness with the group of life on Earth. It was not an accident that the virus unfold from animals to people. People proceed to devour increasingly more of the Earth’s assets and to invade behavior of different animal species.

            In my e-book, The Enlightened Marriage: The 5 Transformative Levels of Relationship and Why The Finest is Nonetheless To Come, I information folks via the 5 Levels of Love. Within the remaining chapter, “You Two Can Change the World: If Not You, Who? If Not Now, When?” I say that the environmental modifications we’re seeing—all the things from Covid-19 to excessive local weather change—remind me of the movie Koyaanisqatsi: Life Out of Steadiness, a 1982 documentary directed by Godfrey Reggio with music composed by Philip Glass. There was no dialogue within the movie, simply pictures and hauntingly stunning music. In keeping with Hopi Dictionary the phrase koyaanisqatsi (Hopi pronunciation: kojɑːnisˈkɑtsi) is outlined as “life of ethical corruption and turmoil” or “life out of steadiness.”

            In her e-book, The Watchman’s Rattle: A Radical New Principle of Collapse, Rebecca Costa presents an in-depth understanding of the underlying causes of this imbalance. She acknowledges the complexity is making it troublesome for people to resolve the issues now we have created on the earth.

            Clearly, if human beings are going to outlive as a species, we should heal our connection to the earth. We should additionally heal our connection to ourselves and one another.  I consider that {couples} are being known as to this bigger goal. As our love expands outward we wish to work collectively to assist save our youngsters, grandchildren, and all future generations.

             Let me be clear, I’m not suggesting that each couple has to discover a huge difficulty that they sort out collectively. I’m not even suggesting that there’s a single difficulty that each members of the couple will tackle collectively. I’m saying that as we get into our 40s, 50s, and 60s, we start to really feel known as to handle bigger points on the earth. These points could also be an extension of our work, both paid or volunteer, or they might be one thing that has been within the background of our lives and is now coming to the fore.

            One particular person might take the lead on a difficulty and the opposite particular person might stay extra within the background offering assist. We would be the chief on one difficulty and the assist particular person on one other. Or there could also be a difficulty that each members of the partnership wish to deal with. We might every convey our distinctive perspective and expertise to the issue.

            My spouse, Carlin, and I proceed to search out methods to heal ourselves, heal {our relationships}, and lengthen the therapeutic out into the world. In case you are in a relationship now, consider how the 5 levels of affection might information you and what you may wish to have interaction as you attain Stage 5, Utilizing the Energy of Two to do your half to vary the world for the higher.

            I stay up for listening to from you. Drop me a notice at Jed@MenAlive.com (be sure you reply to my spamarrest filter when writing for the primary time) or come go to me at www.MenAlive.com.

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